Father, please forgive me for I have sinned. Yesterday, I un-followed 2,000 people on Twitter.
Blueprint of promiscuity
Today, I’ve responded to a barrage of emails and calls asking “what did I do wrong to warrant being un-followed?”
I’m a bit shaken. Seems I committed a cardinal social media sin: the un-follow. There was no malice, no snub, behind any of it. No one did anything wrong. But it seems I did.
I wonder if perhaps we’ve invested a bit too much in the value of a follow.
Like many, the structure of my social media strategy was based on a blueprint of promiscuity. I followed anyone who followed me. Everyone became a friend. A fan. I was a collector. The more I collected, the more important I felt.
The architects of social media understand this. The best play upon our desire to be loved, wanted, heralded and noticed. They slake our thirst for more. It can be gratifying, this quest.
But there’s a price to pay. My bill arrived today.
Above the din
The cacophony of ambient airport chatter, announcements, rambunctious kids and obnoxious louts on cellphones denies our desire for peace and tranquility.
The workplace is worse. Incoming email. Pings from LinkedIn and Facebook. Blog comments. All of them vie for our attention while Tweekdeck churns. Mentions compel us to respond. DM’s require whittled down answers. New followers beckon us to return the favor. At any given moment, hundreds of new stimuli – collages of random thoughts and conversations – enter our airspace.
We can’t ignore it. We’re intrigued. Beckoned. We have become marksmen peering through a telescopic lens in search of ephemeral signals warranting a response, opening an opportunity. We see conversations unfold that we’re not involved in or invited to. And we want in.
We compound this mania by signing up for services that alert us when followers un-follow, when we receive a signal that tells us we’re not worthy and we become…
Glenn Close
Until today, I had no idea you could keep track of who un-follows you. Within minutes of clearing out my list to better manage the streams I really need to pay attention to (clients and newsmakers) an influx of emails ensued wondering why I had done something so terrible.
This is unsettling.
As we pass through the night on social media, random connections, momentary trysts and tweet exchanges carry more meaning than I thought. I find that fascinating, and a little worrisome.
I know we are often sized up by our apparent social equity. Who among us hasn’t referenced LinkedIn and made a swift determination about someone based on their connections?
But are we taking this too far? Do followers matter?
Coincidentally, not twelve hours after I made my life a little simpler on Twitter, I can across this piece on ReadWriteWeb which said, in part:
“Recently we found out that a high number of followers, which most people use to judge the popularity of an account, doesn’t actually really mean anything.”
But, yet, it does. Because I irked a lot of people.
Paying a social media penance
Social media can skew our sense of friendship and harm the art of conversation. Listening. Contribution. We program bots to increase our numbers but neglect to program ourselves to have something to say. And then we take it personally if someone chooses not to follow streams that serve no purpose and offer no benefit.
Social media engagement is in many ways more difficult to mediate than real world interaction. If I sat next to you all day and hung on your every word, followed you across town after work and planted myself outside your bedroom window and monitored your activities, you’d call 911. But if I choose to disengage on Twitter because your stream doesn’t pertain to me, somehow, that is perceived as a sin. That’s weird.
I still love and respect you. If you need me for anything, I’m a TM, phone call or email away. I’ll make some lists so I can keep track of certain discussions. Otherwise, I’m just trying to simplify my world. And not get gaga over things that aren’t important. Like following 2,000 people for no reason.
For that, I’ll be saying my Hail Marys tonight, praying for forgiveness.
Local, Mobile, Social and the future of real estate
20 Tools to Bring your Real Estate Business to the Cloud
15 Ways to Make Your Marketing Mobile
Praying for forgiveness in the social media space is very appropriate – Google is like God when it comes to SEO and there are a lot of sinners out there.
If this year is about anything, I think it will be about focusing and getting rid of some of the clutter we have all accumulated in the social media space. Its about quality not quantity after all. I also enjoyed this article on ReadWriteWeb http://www.readwriteweb.com/archives/the_million_follower_fallacy_audience_size_doesnt_prove_influence_on_twitter.php
Hope I didn’t land on the unfollow list! =)
Marc, When I started on Twitter I pretty much followed anyone that followed me.
A year later I have become a bit more selective in who I will follow back, but usually only checking that the stream is not spam or suspicious and it’s a real live person. I continue to think that anyone that follows me, I should return the favor. Its kinda the “nice” and “social” thing to do IMHO. Quid pro quo. I have never used any auto follow or other schemes and have built my follow list over the last year.
Like it or not, un-following people sends a message. While you may just be cleaning up your follower list, you may leave one thinking did I say or do something wrong? We all like to be acknowledged as the unique individuals that we are.
I’m not much of a fan of direct messages and I like the openness of the twitter platform so I rarely DM someone unless we are in a more private conversation. In my mind that is what e-mail, texting, and google wave are about.
There are a lot of ways to manage your twitter stream and all the electronic annoyances of our modern day world – but I for one really enjoy what I get from the many various streams that I follow and for those that are not to miss I even put them into an RSS feed.
Anyway I certainly did not take it personally when you re-followed me today, even though you first followed me back in 2009 – but the back of my mind asked “what did I do?” Thanks for your post clearing that up!
I clearly remember the day as I was really excited that someone of your stature and intelligence would return a follow – I was pretty pleased.
That is why I have never un-followed anyone unless they have been abusive or are a spammer.
Why would I spend my social capital so unwisely?
Prologue: With apologies to Eddie Izzard” “” [give me]” five hail Marys and two Hello Dollys.”
Re: Blueprint of promiscuity
You did nothing wrong” according to the myriad of ‘so-called’ Social Media (SM) experts” you were supposed to be a ‘slut’, all in the name of conversation + community, albeit a very a conformist one” apparently” Now that you’ve curtailed your invite book” surprise!” You’re a prude” nay, a pariah!!!
Or, more disturbing, you’re a ‘subversive’” you have ‘free thought’” you make ‘choices’” you ‘decide’ who + what + when you want to follow” damn you,@1000wattmarc, you radical”
Re: Above the din
I don’t know” now you sound like you miss the Paparazz?!” or, dare I suggest longing for the ‘Twitterrati’” Wow man, I remember you researching http://klout.com” I think you were genuinely trying to figure out this ‘completely contrived concept of relevance’ within the ‘hyper-imagined’ twittersphere” I confess, I read, + chuckled + gave you the piss. @1000wattmarc” I thought you were seduced”
Re: Glenn Close
I, too, have no idea when + if followers ‘unfollow’, but the point should remain” when I have detected an ‘unfollowing’ of my profile” I’m not incapacitated” or, feel a need to justify my philosophy, I presume that those who have followed me in the past, have made a choice not to in the future. Basta!
I’m quite clear in my ‘Twitter Bio’” if you don’t like tweets on the photography of loft/condo interiors then you’re probably not going to like following me. If you’re surprised and hence, disappointed, then obviously you can’t read!” That’s why you have the choice to ‘unfollow me’” or, not follow me in the 1st place!!!
So, @1000wattmarc” what’s so unsettling?” Twitter and all the other social media exuberants are quite transient” and, quite frankly, I don’t know why you feel like you’ve ‘up set’ approx. 2000 followers you’ve decided to ‘un-follow’” you don’t know these followers and more than likely, they don’t know you. They are at best ‘associative spam’.
I recall when I first joined twitter, I looked at the profiles of supposed Inman News dignitaries” to see who + how many R.E. Twits followed their tweets” it was thousands. I quickly saw a relationship with the number of ‘Twits and their tweets’” and I made the decision there and then not to follow other real estate brokers tweets” oh, sure I follow a few” but, here is my ‘bon mot’” if I come across any Twit who has more than 50,000 followers and broadcasts Tweets every 10 minutes” I am not interested” That, person has stopped listening” and, is certainly not engaged in any conversation, and, is only broadcasting.
What I don’t understand is that you, @1000wattmarc, believe that you’re diminished because your decision to ‘un-follow’ 2000, ‘irked’ a lot of people’. Far from ‘irked’” you’ve merely bruised their ‘imagined’ egos” remember what twitter allows you to say” “You can do what ever you want to do”"
Re: Paying a social media penance
Yes, indeed” “social media can skew our sense of friendship and harm, the art of conversation”" but, hey, not as much as following a so-calld ‘expert’ that you trust” e.g., @Nik_Nik” I, initially trusted her” only to fall foul with her extreme SM Twitter 2.0 ‘proscription’ of what are acceptable do’s + dont’s re: the twittersphere” I mean this was the last straw”
The very anarchy that gives birth to so many business models alive on the web today” so many innovations like #followfriday and RT” were purely spontaneous ‘inventions’ that unencumbered users indulged in” who is @Nik_Nik to tell me that the very anarchy that made her online existence possible is now circumscribed by her interpretation and proscription of what Twitter should be to people?
Twitter is a beautiful anarchy” there are no rights + wrongs” if people want to spam, pull-out or expand, then they will be cut off soon enough by those who are not interested” I’m sorry, some Twits, aren’t about ‘conversation’ or ‘community’” they’re about ‘ proselytization’” and so, @1000wattmarc” don’t sweat the 2000 ‘unfollowers’.
For god’s sake man” do what you want” Peace out”
Epilogue: With apologies to Eddie Izzard” in the absence of your faith” you can “drink five Bloody Marys and you wont remember”.
As I only follow people who I actually am interested in listening to, I never have understood how one can follow thousands and be able to truly connect.
I don’t speak much on twitter … I rarely broadcast interesting thoughts and I’m not so full of myself that I think people care what I ate for breakfast, so I don’t have a lot of followers.
I am a voyeur who only throws my $0.02 in a conversation every now and again. And usually it’s a smart-ass remark. Probably most of the followers that I do have are marketers or spammers.
By having folks respond to your un-follow is a sign that those people truly are interested in your connection, IMHO. For this reason, lists are good. I can filter what I am listening to with the lists and tune out the noise by not watching the general stream.
Typically I don’t care who’s following or not, unless I consider them an actual friend. Recently someone who I considered a friend off and on line “unfollowed” in one tool but stayed connected on another.
It was the first time that I ever asked anyone why they unfollowed. It’s been days and there is no answer.
So… If someone unfollows without giving you an opportunity to know why, I would think they weren’t ever a friend at all.
Numbers are pretty useless, but a lot of times I see little difference from online “friendship” to what we all went through in High School.
To me, everything is moving so fast and is so new, “nobody” knows, but “everybody” has an opinion on what’s right, what works, what’s best.
This year, I’ve noticed that lots SM stars are sharing their frustration and stress and maintaining BIG crowds of friends. Like yourself, they apologize for not being able to manage, touch, converse and connect with people in the way that made them SM stars.
I’m no star, but I’ve found that using the list features in Facebook and Twitter, help me focus on the people I really know, work and play with. I think a larger following can’t really hurt you. If you’re someone who shares alot, what’s wrong with sharing with the largest number of people possible?
For example, you and I, we don’t really know each other, although I feel I sorta know you from your sharing, anyway, I enjoy and benefit from what you share, I don’t require your attention or interaction, I simply enjoy and appreciate what you share, I’d be missing out if I got whacked from your lists, but I wouldn’t be mad.
PS. I think the word “friend” as my generation understands it is a round word, hammered into a triangle hole called social media. Ideally, some wordsmith would come up for a different name for SM friends. Same thing with Facebook “FAN” page. Asking people to join you “FAN” page sounds and feels cheezy.
Cheers
[...] Paying a social media penance – If you follow my stuff at all you know the mad respect I have for Marc Davidson. This is an [...]
@Jeffrey,
I agree. It does send a message. To those who monitor especially. I find the monitoring a bit to weird for me. After all this is just social media. People should be free to come and go, follow, unfollow, engage, disengage as they do in real life without creating an issue.
@Matthew
You wrote “So” If someone unfollows without giving you an opportunity to know why, I would think they weren’t ever a friend at all.”
This is very interesting. In other words as a result of social media, the friend paradigm has truly taken on new meaning. I am not agreeing or disagreeing with your perception. But if this is an opinion that is widely shared, it certainly places an even higher degree of importance on nailing our social media strategies. For both parties.
Consider this – Based on your perception of your friend not being much a friend by unfollowing, could the same argument be made of you for not posting quality content worthy of retaining your followers?
As I see it, if I lose followers as I have over the last several days (lots of them) it tells me that I haven’t done my best to keep them. I don’t view their unfollow as a lack of friendship for me, I view it as me not doing my part to keep them.
Food for thought.
@Sebastian
Astute as always. Dry British humor at its very best. You’re right. I’m not sweating it. At all. More or less offering this as tongue in cheek given the fact that all this Twitter stuff, especially in real estate, fills voids in people lives that are missing in the real world. For me Twitter is all about the incoming streams of quality info that helps me do my job better not the daily conversations that go back and forth between friends which I also participate in. I also value it as a broadcasting tool that aids and abets company promotion. That’s why 98% of what I tweet is about real estate. Which is why I would never be insulted if my friends stopped following me. What possible benefits would my tweets provide them. Nothing that I can think of. However, If I need them to know something important – as friends, I text em.
@Ken
Yup. What exactly is a friend today? Seems to have taken on an entirely new meaning. I am always endeavoring to better understand what it is and what I need to do to keep the ones I have and not upset the ones I want to have.
@James
You wrote: By having folks respond to your un-follow is a sign that those people truly are interested in your connection”
I believe this to be true. But my response is, if they are so interested in my follow, enough that they were offended by my unfollow, then shouldn’t I place the responsibility back on them to do more to incur my follow in the first place? If not, if we all just follow to follow then I think the follow count means literally nothing. Furthermore, I posit that it is very difficult for any broadcaster on twitter to truly communicate valuable info to their entire follower base. So it comes down to choices. the best strategy is stop worrying about who is following you and focus instead on your message, how consistant it is and if it’s connecting to the follower base that provides you the greatest benefit.
For most of the 2000 people I unfollowed, I challenge them to tell me what benefit I provide them as a follower? Why care if I unfollow? If your Twitter strategy is comprised of 4squaring, blipping and conversing with 4 or 5 of your closest Twitter buddies, is it even fair to expect me or others to follow that?
Is it fair to get upset when someone choses to remove that stream and worry if you’ve lost a friend? Especially if you havent done your part as a friend to keep them engaged?
These are things worth thinking/talking about
“Follower count” is one of the most hyped, and ridiculous, metrics yet invented in the social media space.
You don’t follow me on Twitter Marc, but I know from our conversations that you respect me, and you know I respect you. It doesn’t hurt my feelings one iota that you (or anyone else) doesn’t follow me on Twitter. Twitter is different for everyone. I Tweet a lot, and some it of it idle chit-chat. I know some people don’t want/need that. They are free to use their Twitter account how they see fit. Who am I to get upset if they don’t follow me? That’s just silly.
But there are a LOT of “experts” out there that tout follower count as something meaningful. And a LOT of people buy that nonsense (just look at the recent claim from Keller Williams that I spotlighted on my blog for one glaring example).
Social media isn’t about friends or followers. It’s about engaging and learning. Period.
Social media is becoming the food pyramid. If you ate the recommended allowance of food every day, you would be a bloated mess. We probably all need to go on a diet. Does all this social media behavior improve your talents, productivity, and or goal achievement, or is it just more busy work? I should be editing video right now” Google “shaving a yak” for more
Tweetdeck helps filter the voices to the few you really want to follow. How many people really have something to microblog about during their day? It’s the quality of your relationships, not the quantity that matters. I think we’re still learning that.
Great points Jay. You are right. I don’t follow your Twitter stream because that is one channel of yours that doesn’t pertain to me. But I am an avid reader of your Blog and a subscriber and an overall student of Jay Thompson and fan of your company.
The Glen Close syndrome many have is that for them, this might not be enough. That their every word across all platforms be followed. That’s crazy and unfair.
I, for instance, have a great deal of respect and regard for many people who are part of something called the RE.net. But their ongoing dialogue has nothing at all do with me. I will say that some of is is captivating but as I stated, that can often be a distraction because many of its contributors are charming, engaging, smart people. But the stream is way off my center. It makes sense for me to unfollow as the only logical alternative. And then create a topic list.
Thanks for understanding and doing what you do best which is provide clean, logical insight.
As for those SM gurus that preach the benefits of followers – go look at their follower list. It’s a gangly collection of random nobodies cobbled together by some automated device.
Honestly guys, if I have 150 people following me, I submit that number would be far more accurate accounting of who follows me and provide a far more transparent view of what I have going on. Sure 3500+ followers look good on one level. A superficial level. But given how much stock we are all putting into this, I think, superficial is on the way out. Real is in.
Tell me, anyone, when you see someone in real estate with 7,000, 12,000, 50,000 followers, what’s your first impression of them?
I have been struggling with this for a couple of years. Ar one point I un followed and un friended and got some un fan mail. Now I just filter. It makes life simple.
“Like many, the structure of my social media strategy was based on a blueprint of promiscuity.”
(I keep following you because you say things like that.)
However, I must admit, I view Twitter as the place where I can go be a little promiscuous and enjoy it…
You unfollowed me!…you b%#tered!
:>O
@Marc:
You said, “if they are so interested in my follow, enough that they were offended by my unfollow, then shouldn’t I place the responsibility back on them to do more to incur my follow in the first place?”
I totally agree. If I’m not saying anything of value or we don’t have a personal, conversational connection, then why would you follow me? Just because I want to hear what you have to say doesn’t mean you want to listen to me.
Jay said, “Social media isn’t about friends or followers. It’s about engaging and learning. Period.”
… and he hit the nail on the head. People concerned about follower count have a serious ego problem. Now, if you are a business and tweeting stuff to get customers, then that is a whole other story.
If no one is connecting to your business-only stream and you are making a concerted effort to gain (and keep) legitimate followers then you’d better reevaluate your message.
This is an interesting topic, it’s gonna come up more and more. What’s the real value, who’s really a follower, does it matter, etc.
To the question of what do I think of an agent with thousands of followers. Personally, I don’t judge it either way, I’ll know soon enough by checking out their sharing stream.
Like I shared earlier, I use lists to closely follow and interact with the important or most relative people to me, the rest I skim sporadically. Sometime I discover valuable stuff from people I barley know and I imagine, sometimes others find something valuable from me and the don’t know me at all, except we follow each other.
To me having followers doesn’t mean they’re all my friends, I have friends and I guess we have an audience. I share things, if the followers see it great, if not, who cares. I think it’s perfectly fine to have 1,000′s of followers, doesn’t have any negative reference to me. It’s perfectly fine to have 50 or hundred as well.
What about blog subscriptions, using the same logic would we try to limit how many people subscribe because we don’t interact with them?
What about webinar presentations, would we say, “I’m gonna share some bright ideas on XYZ, but only 50 can listen, because I don’t know who the rest of you listeners are? Using Twitter, Facebook, etc., seems like it’s perfectly suited for connecting with friends and permission based broadcasting. If people don’t want what you’re sharing, they can ignore you or simply not follow/friend you.
My 2 cents about our ever-evolving understanding of what and why and how.
And lastly, in my opinion, most every perspective is valid. Nobody knows what’s best or what’s right, there isn’t a social-meda GOD, we only know what we think and feel and perceive. It’s a work in progress. I would feel weird telling people, here are rules. Sharing guidelines, observations, preferences, experiences, etc., sure, but THIS IS HOW IT IS, not so much.
Insightful comments all, thanks.
I also learned recently that number of followers means nothing when I started looking at mine and realized half of them were bogus – spammers, porn folks or very obviously just trying to up their own followers by following random people like me. Lists and filtering are going to be the only way to effectively navigate the social media waters going forward. Otherwise you end up missing the stuff you came to hear because there was so much noise from everyone else clouding your view. We only have so much capacity for paying attention each day so hopefully people won’t take it personally when you decide to unfollow (though that’s easy for me to say since you haven’t unfollowed me yet – ha!)
I have over 6,000 followers. Twitter is a open network, you can’t stop anyone from following you (well, unless you block them). Often I ask myself, “Why would 6,000 people give a flip about what I have to say on Twitter?”. I don’t know the answer to that question.
I “follow” over 4,000. I would guess out of that 4,000, I probably only REALLY follow about 200. By “REALLY” follow I mean I pay attention to most of what they say, or read what they link to. I’m sure many hundreds of them are no longer even active on Twitter. I could use a tool to pare that number down, but to be honest I don’t have the time nor inclination. If they aren’t active, they aren’t cluttering up my twitter stream so who cares?
Tools like TweetDeck and Hootsuite make it easy to build “lists” and categorize people you follow. I have “buckets” for news sources, friends, locals, re.net, etc. I also have searches set up for terms like “Phoenix” and “Realtor”.
It works for me.
Good advice Jay. I’m a bit more hardcore. While Twitter is open, I’m always concerned about the “company you keep” mentality and continue to pair down those who follow me as a result. I believe in less is more. Quality vs Quantity. Then again, what I do for a living and the strategies I employ on Twitter do not necessarily dicate that I reach everyone. In fact, in the last 6 months my Klout score has dropped by 50%. Yet my clientele has grown by almost that amount.
I can argue that by streamlining my broadcasts to appeal to a smaller, targeted audience, I traded Twitter influence for revenue. And by reducing the influx in incoming chatter and focusing on hardcore content that increases my awareness of things, I become even more valuable as a resource to everyone. I’m wagering that a lost follow is worth that.
Now, if I were a broker, I’d employ a different strategy. One like yours where everyone is a potential prospect, even a porn site webmaster, a movie star or even a spammer. In that case, I would be as promiscuous as possible and amass every follower and follow almost everyone.
And of course there are the lists and it’s within these lists that I can still follow folks. Case in point are many people who I adore and no longer follow but yet receive their posts via my lists. Granted, one dude today simply posted nothing but where’s he’s been and I’m telling ya, while I understand his need to do this – I hope to he can respect my desire to unfollow it.
Thanks for this post. I do believe this will always be a topic and we shall never decide on the “right” way. Social rules are organic and always changing, Thank God. I relate this and many other topics relating to follower numbers back to “how do you meet a spouse.” I mean, some people might meet online while others find that ghastly! Some tell you to network with your church members while some find that opportunistic at best. Everyone has a different idea of what they all social behavior. I prefer to have a high number of friends, I’m highly social and have always enjoyed a big group. I have friends who are not like that at all and would gasp at the idea of following even 10 people! For me to unfollow someone, it takes quite a bit of provoking whereas for her, she might never follow enough to ever think of pruning.
Not to mention our individual responses to how a friendship should go. Do you have a friend that nags if you don’t call or write enough? Do you also have a friend that is just happy to hear from you, no matter how long it has been? I suspect that those who investigate WHY they’ve been unfollowed just MIGHT also be the first type of friend…the one that makes you feel so uncomfortable that you often skip calling them! “Sometimes we don’t get to know” is what I was told by a good friend once when someone chose to leave my circle. I feel so much better with this attitude than laying awake at night wondering WHY, WHAT DID I DO (drama voice) Que lastima!
In short, we will all sit around and write our own blog posts, comments and microblogs about whether or not following a high number is profitable, preferable or even doable. And we will do this until the next thing comes along. Personally, I find that occasionally I pay attention to my reciprocity but for the most part I just tweet away happily. People are free to follow or unfollow at will and when they leave…I dont get to know why.
Marc,
Perhaps what is missing from this conversation is the SOCIAL etiquette portion of social media.
so·cial (sshl)
adj.
a. Inclined to seek out or enjoy the company of others; sociable.
b. Spent in or marked by friendly relations or companionship.
c. Intended for convivial activities.
At the other end of those follows, that for right or wrong YOU instigated, are people.
Some of these people you may like, some not. Some you may be interested in, and some not. But YOU followed them. At some point they had value to you… Now perhaps, they are “noise”.
But what would you do in person? (Yes, I am almost afraid of this answer…lol) MOST people, when they decide to no longer communicate, or converse with a recent friend, associate, or even just an acquaintance, simply fade out. They just stop associating.
They don’t see a need to call the individual or send them an email stating, “I no longer want to be your friend.” It is just unnecessary. But , in essence, this is what you did.
When you attend a party or get together, do you circulate and speak to the people that are interesting to you and simply disregard the rest? or do you walk into the room, decide who you wish to spend you time with ask everyone else to leave…
I am not saying in any manner that unfollowing people is wrong. I am not even discouraging it..
But there is a question here…
Should we all employ an etiquette that mimics our “face to face” etiquette?